About Kerri Sackville

If you could just let me know your writing income and any deductions and I can get this finished. The email from my accountant was very helpful, and couldn’t have made things more straightforward. All I had to do was make a few simple calculations, type them into a document, and press ‘send’. And then, for another year, my tax nightmare would be over. So I did. On Friday, I sorted through the detritus of my record keeping, plucking … [Read more...]

About three weeks ago I bought myself some hair conditioner. Not your standard, supermarket shelf hair conditioner; no, this was the real deal. A boutique brand hair ‘masque’ in a tub, bought for a considerable sum of money to repair my dry, damaged and aesthetically-disturbing frizz ball of a coiffure. I brought the hair conditioner (sorry, masque) home, took it upstairs, and temporarily forgot about it. And then, when I decided to wash … [Read more...]

There is a classic scene in the final episode of Sex And The City in which Carrie falls on her face in Dior (the store, not the clothes, though it is possible she is wearing Dior, too). She is in Paris, it is raining, she is wearing very high heels, and she slips on the drops of water that have fallen from her umbrella and slides across the floor. It is very, very dramatic and very, very humiliating. Well, the exact same thing happened to me … [Read more...]

Last week I related an unfortunate episode involving me, a pair of kitchen scissors, a Bad Hair Day, and the mistaken belief that I had hairdressing skills. Happily, a hairdresser quickly rectified my self-imposed disaster with what is known as a ‘repair cut’. In the end, nothing was lost but several centimetres of hair, a couple of hours, and a considerable amount of self esteem. Sadly, however, more disaster was to come. You see, I … [Read more...]

"Is P-H-I-J-O-R-N a word?" my son asks. "Yes," I tell him. "P-H-I-J-O-R-N is definitely a word. It means 'to attempt to cheat at Scrabble'". It is the Christmas holidays and there is a faint hint of desperation in the air. How to fill the long, empty days in the holiday house with my parents, particularly when most of the days have been raining, and the house - gasp - has no cable TV. We have resorted to the most basic of activities: … [Read more...]

Here’s some advice for you: Do not attempt to cut your own hair. Unless you are an ambidextrous hairdresser with eyes in the back of your head, do not do it. Nothing good will ever come from it. Of course, I am asking you to do as I say, not to do as I do. I have been cutting my own fringe for years. This is despite being entreated by hairdressers not to do it, despite being promised by said hairdressers that they will trim my fringe for … [Read more...]

My feelings for my laptop are much like my feelings for my husband. Sometimes I love it madly and want to shower it with affection. And sometimes I hate it with a passion, and want to hurl it against the wall in disgust. Over this past week, my feelings have fallen firmly into the latter category. Initially my laptop began behaving erratically and causing me considerable inconvenience. It became inexplicably slow, taking minutes to find a … [Read more...]

I like sleeping, and I do not much like waking up. At least, I do not much like waking up after anything less than a full eight* hours sleep. This would not be a problem, except that I have a four year old daughter, who does not much like sleeping in. Boo is an ‘early riser’ every day of the week, except, inexplicably, when she sleeps at my mother’s house, as my mum tells me proudly, and often. Obviously I don’t begrudge my mother a … [Read more...]

It is never easy being a mother. It is even less easy being a mother when you’re unwell and it’s your daughter’s fourth birthday party and you’ve had to invite the entire class of 20 kids because your daughter was invited to all of their parties and she really really really wants to have all her friends there. And although you limited your older kids’ parties to ten guests, she is your youngest child and you spoil her rotten and all … [Read more...]

A few weeks ago I took off my clothes in front of a handsome stranger. I’d like to report that it was in an expensive hotel suite for the purposes of a steamy extra-marital dalliance, but in fact it was in a steamy indoor swimming pool for the purposes of expensive children’s swimming lessons. It was the first swimming lesson after winter, and so the first time I had donned a swimsuit since the previous summer. I’d forgotten about the … [Read more...]

The other day, I phoned a friend from my land line. Just as I was calling her, my mobile phone started to ring. I hung up the landline and picked up the mobile, but at that exact moment the call dropped out. I looked at the 'missed call' to see who it was and got quite a surprise. It was me. Yes, I'd called myself. I am not generally a hypochondriac when it comes to my health, with one very significant exception. I am quite convinced that … [Read more...]

Last Monday I handed in the manuscript for my second book. It has been a crazy few months since I was given my November 1st deadline and I am thrilled that I have made it. And forget the ‘I Don’t Know How She Does It’..... quite frankly I have no idea how I did it. I have three kids, one who is high maintenance and one who is a pre-schooler. My husband works around seventy hours a week, often more. And I have a ridiculously white house … [Read more...]

Last week, a close of friend of mine had a rough few days. She’d received some unexpected news, had to make a difficult decision, and was struggling with the best path to take. She didn’t announce her dilemma to her friends, or post it on Facebook, or write about it on Twitter. She chose to confide in me, and I couldn’t have been more touched. I felt awful for my friend, because it hurts me to see her sad. And yet I was deeply moved that … [Read more...]

I am not a very knowledgeable person. Now, before you start thinking, 'Oh, she's just putting herself down to be humble', let me set you straight. I'm not. I have detailed knowledge about a very few things, and practically no knowledge about the rest of the world. I can recite endless passages from nineteenth century literature, and know a great deal of trivia about the Young Talent Team. I've studied psychology, linguistics, symbolic logic, … [Read more...]

Today is my birthday. I’m forty three. My family have showered me with love and I’ve received some lovely presents, including a slow cooker, and a pair of microwavable slippers to keep my feet warm. Everything is perfect. Everything, that is, except the fact that I’m forty three. Forty three is my ‘old age’. Everyone has an ‘old age’ – the number at which they feel they have left youth behind and moved into a new, elderly … [Read more...]

According to Malcolm Gladwell, a writer and philosopher, the key to success is 10,000 hours – you become a master at a skill once you’ve practiced it for 10,000 hours. According to that theory, I should be a master of parenting. My two older kids were eight and six by the time my youngest daughter was born, which means I’d been parenting for a total of lots and lots of hours. (I’m a master of parenting, not of mathematics). And I … [Read more...]

Since I moved in with my husband, I have longed to have a Room Of My Own. Other people long for fancy cars, or pieces of jewellery, or a home in Paris; I just yearned for an office space with four walls and a door I could close against the world. In our first home, a three bedroom duplex, there was no room for me to have an office, unless we put the two older kids into a room together. And, considering that for the first three years of her … [Read more...]

It’s nine pm on a Tuesday evening  and I am absolutely shattered after a long, hard day. I’ve only just got the eldest of my three kids to bed, I still have school lunches to make, and all I can think about is sinking into bed. But my husband The Architect has wandered into the kitchen, and has begun to chat about work. I very much enjoy listening to my husband talk about his job, and I am deeply interested in his career. It’s just … [Read more...]

"Mum," says my 12 year old son, "I want something like ice cream, but not ice cream. Using banana as the key ingredient. Surprise me."

 And for the umpteenth time, I silently curse Masterchef, which has led me into this hell.

 I don't enjoy cooking. I never have. I know it has to be done, because my family have to eat, but to me cooking is a chore to be completed as quickly as possible, much like ironing, or stacking the … [Read more...]